8 first date tips (that will help you get a second!)

1. Pick the right first date spot.

When you’re planning a first date, don’t go somewhere too fancy or too loud. Pick somewhere lighthearted and relaxed. You want to hear and experience the other person. The point of a first date is to see how well you connect with each other.

2. Wear what feels (and looks) good.

You can’t go wrong being comfortable and wearing something that helps you feel good about yourself. Don’t go out of your comfort zone trying to impress someone you don’t know - but don’t embrace the slacker vibe! Be yourself but also know where you’re going (don’t wear a t-shirt to a nice restaurant or heels to go hiking).

3. Relax.

If you’re nervous about your date, take in a deep breath, hold it for three seconds, and let it out. Relax. The point of a first date isn’t to decide if this person is “the one.” Try to remind yourself that you’re just there to have fun, meet someone new, and maybe even learn something cool!

4. Give thoughtful compliments.

Everyone appreciates thoughtful compliments if they’re given the right way. The more you appreciate your date’s unique taste, the better. “Oh wow, your tattoos are rad! What do they mean?” “I love your sweater/shoes/hat.” People love to be noticed for things they care about. If you’re worried about coming on too strong, compliment your date on something other than their appearance—like their laugh, sense of humor, intelligence or great taste in music.

5. Ask good questions.

Before your date, come up with a few questions ahead of time. Actually think through some things you’d like to learn about your date. Here are some creative ideas that will help you get to know your date on a deeper level:

• What’s something you’ve never tried but always wanted to?

• What’s your favorite memory with your family?

• Do you have any crazy travel stories?

• What’s the best piece of advice you’ve ever gotten?

• What are you thankful for right now?

When they answer, actually listen. Don’t just wait for your turn to speak. Plug in. Carefully consider questions they may ask in return.

6. Pay attention to your body language.

Most of our communication is nonverbal. Moves like leaning forward, making soft eye contact, and smiling are cues that you’re confident, open and engaged in the conversation. But crossing your arms, looking around the room, compulsively checking your phone, or fidgeting can make you seem bored or nervous and send a message that you don’t really want to be on the date.

7. Don’t avoid difficult or personal topics.

Ideally, first date conversations should be fun and low pressure. But if hard topics come up, go with it—don’t feel like you need to change the subject. You want to get to know this person on a deeper, more authentic level and see if you’re compatible. And sometimes the best way to do that is to talk about hot topics, like family history, relationship history and other important parts of life.

8. Be yourself.

Going on a date with someone new can make you feel self-conscious. And that’s normal! A lot of people—especially those who tend to be anxious or self-critical—ask, Do they like me? But you should also ask yourself, Do I like them?

Remember—you have a lot to bring to the table, and choosing someone to date is as much your decision as it is theirs. The truth is, you’re not for everybody, and not everyone is for you. The right person will find your quirks and imperfections lovable, so there’s no need to shape-shift your way into a stranger’s approval. The sooner you and your date can be your authentic selves, the sooner you’ll be able to truly get to know each other.